Here I am sitting at the Cincinnati airport.  I have two hours till my flight leaves.  I'm sitting at the McDonald's because I wanted a table to sit at a table.  All of the white middle class Americans and international people are walking around aimlessly searching for where they are supposed to go.  Families are trying to get an inexpensive meal into their children before they leave for their unknown destination.  The fathers are taking control of the situations and playing with their bored children.  They aren't scared to make a fool out of themselves by making their kids laugh.  Wow- How amazing.  What a treat it is to see such a father who loves their child so much.  It seems to be a phenomenon that is far and few between around us today.  I've been blessed to see three fathers today who care deeply about their children and outwardly show their affection to them. 

I am listening to the song "Who I am" by Casting Crowns.  I have been meditating on what the words of this song really mean. 

"Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are. I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow.  A wave tossed in the ocean. A vapor in the wind.  Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling.  You told me who I am.  I am yours."       

We are just a blip in time- a vapor in the wind.  Eternity is so long.  The thousands of years that have gone by in God's eyes and here we are.  We actually think that our lives mean so much.  We think that it is so important for us to be happy.  It's so important for us to find that perfect spouse and have the perfect job. 

I have been really conflicted lately.  I've been getting a big head.  I noticed it this week especially.  I had a job interview the other day and I let my self esteemget built up so that I would be able to talk about myself during the interview.  I started to think too much about it all though.  After the interview, I was telling everyone I could tell about what happened.  I told them what the people at the school had heard about me.  I told them how much I'd make at this job. I told them all the amazing opportunities that I would be able to have!  I never once gave credit to God for all of these amazing opportunities.  I never said, "God brought me here to Gallaudet and gave me the opportunity to learn all of this information!  He sent me to such amazing internships!  He was the one that did it all for me! Isn't God so great?? Now he's bringing me to this great job where I'll be able to learn so much about schools!  His plan of setting up deaf schools in India through me is actually being started too!!   The people at the school are so supportive and excited about spreading the model.  It's definitely God working through all of this!!"

I didn't say any of that.  I gave myself the credit. That's the real story though.  What's the verse?  Therefore do not boast, but only boast in Jesus Christ?  I think it's something like that.  That verse has been kicking me in the head all week.  Man.  And then!  I haven't been listening to God! 

You know when it's obvious that God is clearly telling you to do something right? It's happened many times in my two and a half year life as a believer and I can recognize it pretty well now.  Well, after the interview, God was telling me to do something.  Instead of listening to it right away, I decided to second guess it and make it to be something else.  I decided it wasn't really God and that I shouldn't do it.  Well, it definitely was God and I definitely messed that one up.  It was so obvious that I messed it up too because the consequences were no good.  So I don't listen to God. I'm sitting around waiting for a bus instead of doing what I should've been doing.  I decide to buy some food that is really bad for me.  Then it happens again.  God tells me to give a certain part of my food to this woman who is always standing by the door of the station asking for food.  Nope- what do I do?  I decide to start picking at the food while talking on the food and proceed to eat the whole thing!  I go out of the station and there is the woman.  I am referring to this day as the bagel and the bus day.  I consciously didn't listen to God two times in a row within one hour of each other.

Ridiculous right?  Well, it's a learning experience.  God is so forgiving and amazing.  He took me back before it even happened.  I love him so much.  What a great Father.  He is always there for me. 

What I'm trying to say is, here we are on this earth that our Father's created for us.  We're playing out the drama of all dramas.  We're living out his grand show.  All the angels are watching and waiting to jump in when we forget our lines or need a little help.  Who can forget the director of the play? Jesus is always there for us.  He's always whispering how great we are in our ear.  He's always helping us with our lines every single day!  He is always ready to chase out the hecklers and the critics.  He is there for us when we are nursing a wound from a shoe thrown at our heads.  Not everyone thinks it's a good show.  How great is He?  Sometimes I can't even take how amazing this life is.

There are so many people on this earth and God takes the time to dedicate himself to each and every one of us if we want him.  He is concerned about every person on this planet and knows exactly what they are feeling in the deepest depths of their hearts.  That's just so, incomprehensible to me.  Our little minds and our little knowledge compared to God, it's just nothing.  God can simultaneously be in control of every single person's life and future.  He is monitoring our hearts and watching how we react in situations.  He is always there for us.  Each and every one of us!

Wow.  Just wow.  It breaks my heart to know that I am rebellious to him.  It breaks my heart to know that I've disappointed him by not listening to him on the bus and bagel day.  It makes me so upset that the Lord of all the earth has controlled so many situations to bring me to him and now I'm turning my back on him.  I'm saying- ya know what? Naw… I think I'll do my own thing.  I think I'll try to take all of the credit. I think I'll make sure that I'm having fun and that I'm getting enough sleep. I want to make sure I have eaten before I do what you want me to do.  I need to address my needs before I can think about doing something you want me to do.  Wow- who the heck am I?  I'm no one to think that.   

This has been a humbling airport experience.  I always love the airport.  I think God's people are so great.  I love talking to people and learning about their stories.  I love learning where people are in their lives in relation to their beliefs.  I love seeing how God is working to bring them to him.  He's so great right?  It's always a surprise. Talk about a mystery story!  How will God do it?  Where will he do it?  What situation will he place them in to bring them to the realization of their existence here on earth?